Sometimes we want to tell someone the truth but at the same time we are concerned about their feelings. A desire to clear the air might be accompanied by a fear of being misunderstood. Or I might both appreciate you cooking dinner when I asked you not to and be irrated that you did it too. Or I might love you and be angry at your when you slammed the door.
When sharing mixed emotions I recommend that you use "and" between them rather than "but". A "but" tends to negate the part that come before it. Try saying these two version out loud:
"I love you and I resent you for being late"
to
"I love you but I resent you for being late"
for me the second version with "but" I don't feel the person loves me.
Quiz (from Getting Real Chapter 10 page 170)
Score 5 for general true and 1 for generally not true
1. I believe it is always better to have one clear feeling than two
2. I try to avoid feeling confused.
3. I get impatient with people who say one feeling and then immediately say another.
4. It would bother me if people thought me uncertain or unsure of myself
5. If I had to reprimand or discipline someone that I loved I would keep a stiff upper lip and avoid showing my softer, caring feelings
See the book for how to score the quiz.
TweetBacks
Comments (Comment Moderation is enabled. Your comment will not appear until approved.)
