Love yourself first is the key to good realtionships. This is a great article that explains this and the law of Attraction for realtionships by my friend Dianne, who is also a gifted astrologer. As Jesus and other masters have said "Love  your neighbor like yourself" - this includes loving yourself as much as yu love others! (It doesn't say love yourself less than others). Happy relating

love

Michael

I liked this. I have been working on eliminating "I will miss you" from
my vocabulary and instead focus on what is here now. Missing is an
emotion of lack for me and I chose to focus on what I do have.
love
M/M

PaulsList@lists.paullowe.org wrote:

> A reply from some time ago…
>
> --------------------------------------
>
> Your addiction to your partner...
>
> When you base your feeling of happiness on something outside of yourself
> it does not work ?- you will never feel fully fulfilled.
> Your feeling of well-being is dependant on something that is not under
> your control.
> If they were to die, or leave, you would have a choice: curl up and be
> depressed; find another partner - with whom to depend upon for happiness;
> be with yourself and feel what you are feeling.
>
> If you look to the past, or the future, you are not here.
> The depth of the state of well-being is in this moment. Only this moment.
> If you look back you are not here; if you look forward you are not here.
> Life/living is here now. Now.
> Missing something is not here; looking forward to something is not here.
> And there is only here. Missing something equals not being here; looking
> forward to something equals not being here.
>
> When your partner is not there, be where you are, in each moment.
> When the mind goes one nanosecond to the past, or future, you will not be
> here now, and you will feel missing. Be in each moment ? just each moment,
> and be with how it is, or take responsibility, and change it.
>
> Either be here, and feel what you are feeling, or go there, but not here
> complaining about not being there. Be responsible.
> If you have decided to be where you are, and your partner is not there (or
> even if they are there) just be with who you are, in that very moment.
>
> Do not listen to the addictive process of the mind. Be where you are,
> exactly as you are. If you are away, and missing them, and you have
> decided to stay away, just feel exactly what you are feeling, and accept
> it. 
> Don’t complain it is not intelligent.
>
> (In the film What the Bleep one scientist keeps saying that when you look
> at
> an object, say, a chair, a certain part of the brain is activated. If you
> are blindfolded and asked to think of the chair, the same part of the brain
> is activated in exactly the same way. So when we look ? do we see a chair,
> or our brain activation? When we see our partner, do we see out partner,
> or our brain simulation?)

This Wednesday Sandbox gathering we share Erotic Reading Night with Nancy Smeltzer. She writes: "Dear Ones, a few years ago, I suggested the idea of having an erotic reading night for a Sandbox Gathering. A Sacred Sexuality group that I belong to out in the Bay area, did it once as a bedtime gathering for the group….sort of an adult version of story time. People could either bring something they had written, or pick something that appealed to them. (It was very interesting how differently men and women choose what turns them on.)"

We did the same thing for a Sandbox event last year, and it was one of the best attended events ever. Randy and I thought it might be fun to do again, so on Feb. 9th, 2011, for Valentine’s Day, bring us your steamiest best, and after dinner, we'll have a go at tickling your auditory sensations. Please keep the reading time to five minutes, as there were a LOT of people who didn’t get to read last time. Be on time, as the reading will start at 8pm, and you don’t want to miss out on one juicy moment. Who’s bringing the chocolate????

Nancy Smeltzer is a co-developer of the energy healing technique, Renaissance of the Heart. www.hearthealing.net Together with her healing partners, Dr. Mary Pellicer, MD, and Ceitllyn Connal, their modality has been used with clients in their long distance healing practice throughout the US and Canada; Russia, Switzerland; and Australia. As a self-taught clairvoyant, clairaudient, and clairsentient, she describes as being enrolled in the “School of the Divine”, and is “shown” what she needs to know in order to help her clients. Nancy also uses her skills in her ongoing research in consciousness and has collaborated with a number of other alternative healers.

The reading begins after dinner at 8pm. I invite you to join us, though as always what ever choice you make you will be honored in.

This Wednesday Sandbox gathering we learn deep listening beyond mirroring. Have you ever being really and deeply listened to - where you knew in your heart that the other person got you? Or do you often feel misunderstood or unheard or interrupted? Would you like to learn the steps to be able to listen deeply to your partner(s), validate their experience and empathize with them to co-create a deeper connection? Do you want to prevent silly arguments from spouting up in your work place? Then come learn how to deeply listen. We will start with mirroring but then quickly go much deeper into listening to the other. A cheat sheet will be provided so you can take these skills home or to work.

Deep listening occurs when your mind is quiet. Your thoughts are flowing rather than crowding your mind with distractions, interpretations, judgments, conclusions, or assumptions. Your mind is open, curious, interested -- as though you were hearing this person for the first time. Deep listening applies not only to communication with another, but also to listening to ourselves and to life in general. The goal of deep listening is to hear beyond the words of the other person and yourself, to the essence of what the words and feelings are pointing to. Your mind and heart are joined in union -- you are listening wholeheartedly.

Yes deep listening takes time up front but it save time later on when you don't misunderstand what your partner wants or why a co-worker is angry and sabotaging your project. So many time wasting games and upsets can be avoided when we really hear what is in people's hearts and heads. Sometimes action is needed after listening, other times just the act of being really heard is the best balm for the situation.

You can bring a partner or partner up with someone else for the exercises. It will all be done in a safe space

The workshop begins after dinner at 8pm.  I invite you to join us, though as always what ever choice you make you will be honored in.

This workshop is based on a workshop I attended at Summer Solstice by Mata Mandir Kaur Kalsha who is a therapist and couples councilor based in Herdon VA. She also leads wonderful yoga communication workshops. You can reach her at mmkhalsa at version dot net or 703-887-2111

This Wednesday Sandbox gathering we learn how to co-create relationships without drama with Michael Rios. What would relationship be like if everyone took 100% responsibility for their own feelings?  What if every surge of emotion was seen as an invitation to connect with essence and rise to a new level of awareness and love?  What if we made the commitment to never again blame another person for our feelings? 

The more we do our own inner work, the more available and loving we are in the moment.  We no longer cling to rules and impose agreements that we hope will keep our partners from triggering painful emotions in us; we welcome those emotions, work through them, and delight in our connections whatever form they might take.  There are many paths to spiritual and emotional growth; join us as we walk the path of open-hearted relationship.

And avoid having to clean up post drama blood from the shower stall ever again! :-)

Michael Rios (http://michaelrios.com) has been creating and living alternative lifestyles and personal growth experiences for over 40 years; currently he lives at Chrysalis, an intentional community in Arlington, VA (http://www.chrysalis-va.org). His favorite social organization principles include guerrilla capitalism and responsible anarchy.  He regularly co-organizes "New Culture" events aimed at creating a culture based on awareness, compassion and freedom rather than on fear and judgment (http://www.cfnc.us, http://www.nfnc.org).

The workshop begins after dinner at 8pm.  I invite you to join us, though as always what ever choice you make you will be honored in.