Doing "shoulds" and "ought tos" is energy draining. When I have a "should" I ask myself if I want to do it and what will happen if I don't. Then I rephrase that I want to do it or chose not to do it. I find it really helps me to say out loud to others that I want to do X rather than I should do X or I must do X.

For example instead of "I should do my taxes" I say "I want to get my taxes completed today so I can enjoy the rest of my week and so I avoid the consequence of being stressed doing them at the last minute."

This entry was posted on April 30, 2007 at 4:46 PM and has received 1423 views. There are currently 0 comments. Print this entry.

Is it more honest to keep a promise or to tell someone that you have changed your mind? This article shines some light on this.

"One evening while having dinner with friends, I began complaining about something I had agreed to do but that I no longer thought was the best decision for me. In the name of "keeping my word," though, I felt I had to trudge through it. Suzanne looked at me and said something that honestly no one had ever told me: "Girl, you know you have the right to change your mind."

"I went silent. As the words reverberated through me, I slowly said the phrase to myself over and over, trying to embrace what it would feel like to actually accept that principle as part of my conscious living.

"Before then, I hadn’t thought of changing my mind as even possible. What about honor, commitment, staying the course?

More at:
http://www.donshewey.com/2001_zine/changing_your_mind.html

In Getting Real we learn how to Revise an earlier statement. (Getting Real Chapter 8, page 139)

This entry was posted on April 29, 2007 at 11:27 PM and has received 1470 views. There are currently 0 comments. Print this entry.

It was great to see so many Sandboxers at Beltane! Especially to see David H wizing around in his electric chair while Gail tried on various sexy high heels. :-) We also went deep into boundaries at the Sandbox Explorations workshop at Beltane - practicing saying No, asking for what we want, how to clarify requests and ways to ask "difficult" questions about sexuality. I think that the attendees were more connected at the end of the workshop and more empowered too! I want to bring that energy to the gathering this week. At 8pm after dinner we will hold a short practice of saying No and asking for what we want. I invite you to join us, though as always what ever choice you make you will be honored in.

This entry was posted on April 29, 2007 at 10:59 PM and has received 1385 views. There are currently 0 comments. Print this entry.

I am giving four workshops at this Beltane. Hope to see you there!

http://www.free-spirit.org/Beltane/Classes.html
Better Sounds of Sex
Erotic Trance Dance for Release
Getting Real: Practicing Honesty in Sex and Relationships
Sandbox Exploration

Better Sounds of Sex
Do you have difficulty making sounds during lovemaking? Would you like to experiment with making louder and more passionate noises and moans? Would you like to enhance your and your partner'(s) orgasms with sound? Then come and have fun at this workshop! We will play with sounds in a safe environment and practice different love noises. Either come with a partner(s) or be prepare to match up with new people or do solo sound sex work! Audience: Anyone who would enjoy making sexy sounds!

Erotic Trance Dance for Release
Do you hold on to stuck emotions in your body? Do you enjoy moving freely, uninhibited, to the sound of primitive rhythms? Do you want to go on an erotic shamanic journey with others in a sacred space? Trance Dancing is easy to learn and releases stuck emotions from both mind and body. Plus it is fun to do! The focus is on connecting with self and spirit, not on how well you "perform." To facilitate this we will dance in a darkened space. Join us as we dance to the five rhythms: the feminine, masculine, chaos, integrated and stillness. Dancing to stillness? How can that be? —find out at the dance! To help people get into the trance, there will be no talking at this event once we start dancing. Wear fun clothes or bring scarves or blindfolds to dance with.

Getting Real: Practicing Honesty in Sex and Relationships
"Presence is what makes you radiantly alive, confident, and attractive. The key to presence is honesty."

Being present and honest has helped me greatly in my relating! The key to good sex and relationships is honest communication—but how often do we get to learn how to communicate honesty in a safe environment? How often does it happen and why is it so hard? Most people are afraid to be totally honest. They fear damaging relationships by creating conflict, or hurting another's feelings. But learning to attend to your own here-now experience rather than worrying about the outcome, uncovers the real source of personal power and self-trust. This workshop will help by experiencing the difference between thinking, feeling, and noticing You will practice speaking honestly and noticing how language affects the way we communicate. Engaging games & exercises make this workshop fun too! Whether your interest in communication is for polyamory, S/M, coming out, or other relationship reasons this workshop will help.

Sandbox Exploration
Do you want to have clearer boundaries? Are you afraid to ask for what you want? Do you get anxious that you won't say no when you want to? Come to the Sandbox and learn how to create clear boundaries. Practicing saying "No" helps us be clearer on what we want to say Yes to and to whom. Learning to hear No from someone else without having to turn it into a rejection story is refreshing too. Saying or hearing No can be hard at first, so we will loosen up first with some body movement exercises! Finally we will practice our skill in a play sandbox where you can ask for touch and decide if you want to accept touch or not from others.

Sandbox Explorations gets its name from the idea that when we take responsibility for establishing clear personal boundaries, it makes it safer for us and others to play together in a safe, authentic way. More connection, joy and intimacy result. So, if I tell you some clear basic ground rules about what it takes for me to feel safe in my own virtual sandbox, than you can safely get close to me and I can safely open to you.

Sandbox Explorations is a community of diverse folks who share the desire to expand the level of fun and connection in their lives. We meet every Wednesday in the Washington DC area for a gathering and dinner.

This entry was posted on April 26, 2007 at 5:34 PM and has received 1705 views. There are currently 0 comments. Print this entry.

Do you hold on to stuck emotions in your body? Do you enjoy moving freely, uninhibited, to the sound of primitive rhythms? Do you want to go on a shamanic journey with others in a sacred space? Trance Dancing is easy to learn and releases stuck emotions from both mind and body. Plus it is fun to do! The focus is on connecting with self and spirit, not on how well you “perform”. To facilitate this we will dance in a darkened space. Join us as we dance to the five rhythms of the feminine, masculine, chaos, integrated and stillness. Dancing to stillness? How can that be? – find out at the dance! To help people get into the trance there will be no talking at this event once we start dancing. Wear fun clothes or bring scarves or to dance with.
Bring water to drink.

This dance is open to all (no dancing experience required). I will be facilitating the dance.

Suggested donation $20 (sliding scale for those in need)

- Michael/Michelle

Friday,
7:30-9:30pm

Location:
My house
Michael Smith
614 E Lynfield Dr
Rockville MD 20852
Phone: 301-996-8372

Directions

This entry was posted on April 18, 2007 at 2:55 PM and has received 510 views. There are currently 0 comments. Print this entry.

I am teaching a class "Getting Real - Practicing Honesty in Relationships" at First Class in DC. BTW First Class has a lot of interesting personal growth and adult education classes in evenings and weekends. Check it out!

You can learn skills that make honest communication safer and more fun. Most people are afraid to be totally honest due to the fear of damaging the relationship, creating a hassle, or hurting someone's feelings. But when you learn to put your attention on your own "here-now" experience rather than worrying about the outcome, you discover the real source of personal power and self-trust. You will participate in fun exercises that include playing an honesty game. You will explore: practices that support living in the here-now experience, the difference between your senses and your mind, how to express anger and sadness without trying to control the other person, and how you can transparently label your intent.

"Presence is what makes you radiantly alive, confident and attractive. The key to presence is honesty."

This entry was posted on April 17, 2007 at 7:43 PM and has received 1404 views. There are currently 0 comments. Print this entry.

Giving feedback is the act of verbally letting the other know how his actions affected you. Being open to receiving feedback means you are curious about and willing to hear how your actions affect other people. Most people don't get very much valid feedback in their daily lives, and they long for it.

Quiz (1=usually not true, 5= mostly true of me)

1. People rarely give me feedback about how my behavior affects them.

2. I do not ask people for feedback about how my behavior affects them.

3. If someone does give me feedback and I 'm unclear about what they mean, I wouldn't ask them to be more specific.

4. I do not offer feedback to others.

5. I have never really benefited from feedback.

6. If I get negative feedback, I go into a self-critical, self-doubting mood that can last all day or longer

7. If I get negative feedback, I usually just think "That's their problem".

The lower your score the better you are at welcoming feedback. See Getting Real page 94 for detailed scoreing.

This entry was posted on April 2, 2007 at 8:09 PM and has received 1400 views. There are currently 0 comments. Print this entry.